I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
