I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
