Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
