I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
