This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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