I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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