The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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