her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
