God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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