I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
