Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
