I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
