You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
