she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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