And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
