If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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