My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
