It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
