you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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