Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
