it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
