Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
