Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
