Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
