There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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