there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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