I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
