Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
