I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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