dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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