I accidentally had phone sex last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want nice things and good sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
