Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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