i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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