he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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