i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
