just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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