They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
