Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
