He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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