Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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