What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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