consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
