i don't like sucking hair
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
