Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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