dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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