The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I AM VODKA MAN
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize