I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
ok first of all what the fuck
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
