Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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