Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
