don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
