'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Actions speak louder than pants.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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