I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize