Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i came on her dog
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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