i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
