Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize