Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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