Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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