That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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