I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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