my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I die, sorry about rent.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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