I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
