I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize