8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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