Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
