Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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