my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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