I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
