I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
