I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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